Wanting...

It's probably one of the most difficult things when you want something that you can't have. Something so very very close, yet so far away from grasp. It basically feels like you're running on a treadmill with a tiny piece of hope tied to a string in front of you, and as you reach to touch it, run just a bit faster, the treadmill decides that it's going to slope and then you have to run even harder, pumping those quads even faster into the ground, feeling your feet begin to burn with pain, yet seeing that piece of hope, almost touching it, almost having it is so worth it. Still, until you reach it, it's an endless, pretty much winless (?) battle against gravity and force.


Screw you gravity. If it weren't for you, my heart would come down from the sky and join my head and be logical for once. But at the same time, do I even want that? Should I be a total hypocrite and not let my heart rule this time? Will life make sense anymore if I do? I dunno Life, you tell me.







Why is it that most of what I've written lately is a rant??? Ugh. I hate that.

"Cuz you're hot then you're cold..."

You tug at my heart strings
Pull at my emotions
Weave through my mind
Daily, hourly, minutes, go by...
Yet one moment you're on,
The next, it's gone.
Where is your mind?
Is it close to your heart,
Or drifting, far, far off in space?
Bring it back down,
Pull at it's tether
Ground it
Or even,
Let it free to soar,
Fly free, spread its wings
Mine is up there already,
Waiting for yours
A light, floating heart,
Ready for you
In the heavens...







------As always, random rant. Yup......

Short but sweet

While lying in the cool grass, I see a star
This explosion of gases is much more than that
It is a wish, a hope, and a dream upon a belief
That one day, my wishes will come true
Hopes and dreams of a better tomorrow,
A life of happiness,
A fulfillment of wishes

Star light
Star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have the wish
I wish tonight

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Men are probably the most confusing animals on earth. Trust me, the friends and I have had DEEP conversations about this matter. One minute, they’re quite in love with a female, and the next POOF! Gone. Wash, rinse, repeat. And on and on and on…..

Really? What the heck is up with their heads?

At this stage in their development, though, I can see where some of the wiring in their brains is a tad bit out of sync with ours. They’re still somewhat developing, and are barely reaching the same maturity level as most of us women.

But really, guys?

This is getting tiring.

You, boy, need to grow up and decide what you want in life. Take your compliments, your insults, and your general neediness and figure yourself, and us, out.

My hope in life is to fall in love (with an amazing example of a guy) and start a family with said “I fell in love with this man” guy. Your goals, dear male, go as far as what you might eat tomorrow, or what mischief to create.

I: want to be successful and happy in my career, and I want someone who supports me, loves me, loves life, their career, and family. I hope for someone who loves me as much as I love them (no hurry, seriously) and who I can support as much as they support me. See? Ambitions and goals, people.

You: want to challenge the establishment, find yourself, and discover the “here and now.” Your ambitions and goals = nonexistent

Life moves quickly, sir, and you must move with it. You’re kind of just floating on and really, the world might need for you to figure yourself out and contribute.


Whew. Ok, I’m done with my rant. Now on to your previously scheduled broadcast….

Head VS. Heart

“Gimme a beat!”

I feel it. Do you hear it? Listen very closely. Shut off all of the noise around you. Forget about the voices, the sounds, the lights. Just feel it. Don’t worry about those daily troubles, right now is your moment. It’s a moment to feel yourself in relation to the world. Hear it now? It’s your heart. It has its own natural beat. It creates its own rhythm for the music of everyday life. Now, listen even closer; you can hear mine. They’re different, yet the same. Mine is the slight twitter of a heart full of joy, ready to dance and leap across the world in bounds or maybe even swim the Atlantic, just to find myself in another country. (If only I could live with the fish) Yours might be the slow rhythm of someone who ponders, the fast and heavy rhythm of someone full of life and passion. Maybe it’s the THUMP THUMP, thump THUMP THUMP of someone like me.

In any case, it’s your heart. It’s pure emotion, the first to react with passion in a moment. Yet, in a lot of cases, it’s the head that wins. Yet, why does the head get to have all of the fun? Let the heart take you places that you’ve never even dreamed of. You might just land in a magical place: the moon, the stars, or maybe you’ll come back down to Earth and land in the ocean. I wouldn’t mind that, myself.

Let the natural rhythm of the heart take you places. Let it feel. Let it beat. Let it make its music.

A Fork in the Road

Too indecisive, yet opinionated.

 

Yup, I think that’s what I am. I have WAY too much on my plate, and I keep accepting more and more to do. I think what the problem is is that I’m so driven to do well in EVERYTHING I do that I can’t really decide my true fate.

 

I set goals, but, in the long run, I often wonder if those goals will be as rewarding to me as when I first began them.

 

For instance, my career choice. Teaching! I find the utmost joy in knowing that I have helped someone. I like to touch people’s lives, even in the most indistinct way. A smile in passing. A math problem that they’ll never forget. An inspirational talk that’ll hopefully change their viewpoints on life. Yet, over the years, I’ve also realized that teaching may not be the only career choice to fulfill this passion.

 

I guess you could say that I’m a little TOO well rounded.

 

I sing (or, well, used to), I involve myself in my music, I paint, I draw, I write, I teach, I cook, I sculpt. See? A lot on my plate.

 

The point is, I think I’ve come to a tiny spot in my life in which I may not know if the path that I have chosen will be right for me. As a person, I have grown to be someone that I absolutely love, and I hope that this becomes more and more reflected in my growth, but on the other hand, can I help others with what I do to love themselves as well?

 

Well, Self, we shall see….

Disappointed

Have you ever had hopes in someone so high, and seen the good (or thought you had seen) in them, and finally they disappoint you? It's an odd, almost empty feeling. For many, I often wonder when the point was when that someone finally showed their true colors. What's that ultimate moment in which your expectations come crashing down, down, down?

For me, it was that moment in which anger was flashed my way. I hate to see that in a person.

Fury. 

Frustration.

That's what was flashed my way. 

Fear (somewhat)

Sadness. 

Loss.

Is what I feel (felt?)

But through it all, my standards have risen to an ultimate high. I don't need someone that makes me feel this way. I don't deserve it as a matter of fact. My heart is mine, and until there is someone that is enough of a really really good (stable) person, this heart is going to stay under lock and key. 

....And that's final....(I hope)

Mother Earth

I am the earth

Flowers

Sky

Wind

Sea

Fire

Grass

Wood

My children roam freely and wildly

We bask in the glory of the sun together, and yet I am unseen

I am all around you, breathing, flowing, lashing, dripping, circling

My scent is of lilies, new rain, soil, sand, water

I can not help but to see you, hope for you to feel my presence around you

I watch with a caring eye; protective, powerful, helpful

Walk through my rainforests of vines and orchids

Feel the humidity on your skin

Smell the musk of the ground beneath your feet

Hear the birds chirping, water sinuously running, animals speaking

Taste the fruits of my labor, hanging from a nearby tree - passion fruit, banana, cacao

See my beauty all around you, yet only feel me and hope